3 Ways to Use Music When Coping With Grief
If you are grieving and you find yourself feeling uneasy or that you’re “just not ready” to listen to your favorite music, know that you are not alone.
Many of my bereavement clients can relate to this. They often share that listening to music can be an uncomfortable and not enjoyable experience. I get it. Music can bring up difficult emotions and may make us face discomfort.
As a music therapist and social worker in private practice, I utilize music as a means to engage and provide support to my clients. I know about the supportive qualities of music because I have been a witness to it as a professional. Nevertheless, as a human being, I have also related to these feelings of discomfort and uneasiness around music, especially during times when I’ve experienced grief and loss. I often share with my clients that not too long ago I couldn’t even have the radio on while driving; something I used to thoroughly enjoy in the past.
As a professional and in my own personal experience, I have also understood how music can be a source of comfort in our grief journey; we might just need to engage with it in a different way.
A short list of ideas about using music to cope with your grief
Like you, I’ve also experienced grief myself and in various ways, I’ve resorted to music to cope with my losses. If you are looking to re-introduce music into your life or continue to engage with it in a way that feels supportive to you through your grief, here are 3 ways you can use music when coping with grief:
Can’t listen to your favorite songs because the lyrics make it too hard to listen to right now? Search for the instrumental (or karaoke) version of the song/album. Perhaps your favorite songs now sound a little different.
Make a playlist of “comfortable”, safe” or “ok-to-listen” songs. However, you decide to name your playlist, include songs that you have intentionally selected that make you feel good/comfortable/ok.
Listen to new music. Discover new artists. Play some songs of a style or genre that is unfamiliar to you. Can you find songs that have no memories, meaning or feelings attached to them? It can be fun to discover new music but also, pay attention to your feelings since even an unfamiliar song can be triggering.
How do would you know how to use music to cope with your grief?
Just like our losses and experience with grief, the way in which we cope with our feelings and grief reactions are going to be unique. Some of the ways to learn how music will be supportive to you is by exploring different or new ways to incorporate music in your life that might be of support to you. A couple of questions you might ask yourself in this process might be:
How’s my relationship with music right now?
Are there some songs or some types of music that are “triggering” to me?
Are there some songs or some types of music that feel comforting to me?
Are there some songs I feel is best to avoid right now?
What are some songs that can help me relax, sleep, feel grounded, honor the memory of who/what I loss, etc.?
Do I feel better when I listen to music while I’m driving (or doing other activities that you usually do while listening to music) or does it feel better right now to not have music on?
Does silence (or listening to a podcast, audiobook, etc.) feels supportive right now?
Is there a specific artist that is “speaking to me” right now? Someone who’s lyrics are relevant to my own journey? An artist I can relate to with their story, music or lyrics?
If music has been an important piece of your life, my hope is that you can continue to enjoy and feel supported by it, if it feels right, through your grief journey.
If you are someone moving through your own grief after experiencing a loss of someone close to you, working with a therapist might be of great support in this journey.
I’m a therapist (MSW) and music therapist (MT-BC) for women & teens at Transcendence Counseling Center in Vero Beach, FL and I am also available to provide counseling services via Telehealth across Florida. If you are interested in collaboratively working with me in therapy, you’re welcome to learn more about me and my approach here or schedule an appointment with me here.