When music doesn’t sound the same: 11 different ways to enjoy music when we are grieving
“Music has always been there for me and is what’s helped me through everything. It’s like my solace.”
-Sharleen Spiteri
For many of us, music is a central element of our existence. During the ebbs and flows of life, there is almost always one song that has been with us during memorable times, or a song we found at a time of distress that perfectly described what we were feeling in that moment. We also have music that lifts us up when we are down and music that gives us the motivation to keep going despite the circumstances. Intentionally or not, music accompany us throughout our entire life.
In the winter, some look forward to listening to holiday music (whatever that means to you), or familiar music for that matter because for the most part, it allows them to reminisce about past memories and rejoice with them. What if music brings back memories that are too painful to experience at this present moment? Do we stop playing or listening music altogether? Perhaps, you’ve identified that you need to. But what if instead of ceasing to listen or play music, we make music work for us, suit us and adapt to our current circumstances? If familiar music that once brought us comfort now brings painful or uncomfortable feelings to the surface, we can perhaps make music we listen to change with the seasons of our life and continue to use it as one of our comforting tools to cope and express ourselves.
If you’s still want to listen or engage in music in some way or another (play, sing, write, etc.), I’d like to offer to you some alternatives and ways you might still engage and partake in the healing power of music.
Ways to enjoy music when we are grieving:
Listen to an artist you’ve never listened to before.
Select a new-to-you genre of music from the “search” tab on Spotify.
Listen to one of your favorite songs covered by a different artist.
On the “search” bar on Spotify, write a word that describes how you’d like to feel (i.e. cozy, warm, relax, chill, stress free, unwind, hanging out, etc.) and let Spotify pick a playlist for you.
Give instrumentals a try.
If you’d like to listen to your favorite song but hearing the lyrics is “too much” at this time, listen to an instrumental version of your song. Perhaps your favorite songs now sound a little different. ⠀⠀
Not just listen to music, but watch the performance. Search on YouTube for a song and watch the artist(s) perform. You might enjoy the song from a different point of view.
Let a friend or a loved one support you. Start a collaborative playlist with that person on Spotify and let them pick some music for you.
“Make a list of songs that have no memories/meaning/feelings attached to them. It can be fun to discover new music but also pay attention to your feelings since even an unfamiliar song can be triggering.
Make a playlist of “comfortable”, safe” or “ok-to-listen” songs. However, you decide to name your playlist, include songs that you have intentionally selected that make you feel ok. ⠀
Make your own music. *Some ideas on how you can make your own music can be found here, here, here and here.
During an interview for the Rolling Stone Magazine in November 6th of 1986, Billy Joel said “I think music in itself is healing. It’s an explosive expression of humanity. It’s something we are all touched by.” When we have experienced loss and we are grieving, even the simplest, mundane, everyday things that we once took for granted or we didn’t realized were always there in the background of our lives (like music) are hard to face. If music is one of those things you love but is hard to relate to right now as you grieve, I hope these suggestions serve as encouragement to you to keep using music as part of your healing.
“I needed music today. And like always, it was there for me.” -Hayley Williams
